Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Do you dream of sleeping?

Do you ever dream of sleeping? I had this dream last night that I’d fallen asleep on the beach of all places. Then I woke up and remembered that Doug had accidentally upended a bag while moving it off the bed. The bag we used at the beach that I dug out of a corner of the chaos we call our bedroom (my chaos to be fair). Anyway, I went to get into bed last night and thought there was something wrong. Because of the hot flushes, I have to wear short shorts and damn, the sand was horrible! I had to first turn the light on to see what the hell I was laying on and then I had to find a way to shift the sand without waking Doug. Needless to say it was epic fails all round and then I gave up and went to sleep. I’m happy to report that I changed the sheets today rather than vacuuming them =)

What is the weirdest thing/place you’ve slept and do you dream about sleeping?

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Had to be there

So I muted the tv after having a random thought so I could talk to Doug about our impending honeymoon  while he was out on the balcony. This is how that particular laugh inducing moment went... 

Me “Hey, I heard today that Fiji has some of the most polluted water in the world?”
Doug “Yeah, I told you that.”
Me “No, you didn’t.
Doug “Yeah, that George Speight guy came in and took over.”
Me “What?”
Doug “Well, he‘s the leader of the army and came in and locked up the president and said ‘now I’m in charge’. That happened about 10 years ago.”
Me “What does that have to do with polluted water?
Doug “That’s what you call it when the army comes in and takes over.”
Me “Polluted water?”
Doug “No, pol...it...ical order (said slowly and with understanding dawning).” Sigh and fail!
Bahahahahaha! Maybe you had to be there =D

BTW, George did lead a coup back in 2000 but he was a business man and not the leader of the army. You can read all about that little nightmare here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Speight

Thursday, November 10, 2011

That did not just happen!

I had one of those surreal that-did-not-just-happen moments this afternoon. Let me paint the picture since as an author, that’s what I’m supposed to do. First I want you to picture one of those trucks that carry earthmovers and harvesters, the ones the other machines can just drive up the back of and get towed around town. Got it? Cool. 

Now all day I’ve had this thump-thump-thump migraine and when I do, I get a little light sensitive and my eyes play tricks on me. I was driving up the main street of our little town and this truck comes flying around the corner doing heaps more than 50kms an hour and for a second it looked like the whole trailer did this fish-tail sort of move. It’s was weird. Get the hell outta town weird. And then it occurred to me that I’d just been watching Transformers 3 on DVD... The moral of this story is that I shouldn’t drive anywhere with that kind of headache. And then I giggled at myself all the way to school pick up because I’m a bit of an idiot. 

But just a bit =)

And now you know something else about me. I’m a bit of a closet nerd. I’ll be bringing you highlights from geek movies such as Xmen, Transformers, Marvel movies and Twilight stuff. I love Hellboy and The League of Extraordinary Gentleman and I especially love steam punk movies like The Wild Wild West. Why try to fight it? 

What are you favourite geek movies?  

Monday, October 31, 2011

Batman vs Superman

I have been obsessed lately with the outcome of a fight between Superman and Batman. Do I have a shit load of time on my hands, you ask? No. I just have heaps random thoughts at really random times of the day. Oh, see, I just remembered that my cat electric shocked my nose last night (don’t ask why we were nose to nose, that’s way too much information). Anyhoo, so my best friend reckons Superman but I’m rooting for Batman. Till the end of time! Doesn’t tall dark and handsome claim victory over red, blue and nerdy every day? In my mind it does. So the argument went on and on and still there is no clear victor. Until we make a list...

A race? Superman is faster than a speeding bullet and he can fly, or cheat, whichever way you look at it.

A physical fight? Superman could cheat with his explosive vision (I’m no nerd so I have no idea what the technical term is).

A barn raising contest? (Because I love Seven Brides for Seven Brothers) But again, Superman’s super speed would blow even Batman out of the water when putting up walls. Although, with the help of the bats to hold the frame in place, Batman would have the advantage and win the little heifer.  

So then I start thinking about their alter egos and this is where it’s hands down to Batman. He’s rich, Clark Kent is not. He’s hot, Clark Kent is not. Bruce Wayne has a cool servant who is usually some form of English and is super cool in his own right. Superman, sadly, does not. Bruce has a cool bat cave and an even cooler car to put in it. Superman does not. Did I mention that Bruce Wayne is super hot and super rich? 

So the conclusion is that in a fight, Superman would win because he has more super powers but in everything else, Batman kicks ass! Nuff said?

Doug just threw another idea into the mix. Bruce is rich enough to have a bat suit made out of Kryptonite! Or studded with it like diamantes (yes the man really did use that exact wording). So there you have it boys and girls. Kick ass! 

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Excuses, excuses.

I only have one piece of advice for you tonight. If you get pulled over by the cops after legging it from a store (possibly after getting a five finger discount) and they find crack in your coin pocket, this excuse will work every time!

You say, "These pants aren't mine."

Don't even bother with the accusations that the cop planted it there, don't bother with denial. Simple. You get far less time in jail for stealing pants than you ever would for crack.

Thursday, October 20, 2011


Because I'm a customer who has spent some hard earned cash on a product I wasn't happy with, I wrote a letter...

Dear Nestle,

Hi, I'm writing to you to ask why you don't put more pineapples in the retro party mix? I know it seems like a dumb question and not one to get cranky about but I only buy this one for the pineapples and racing cars which I can't get any other way and I just cracked open a bag that had one pineapple, three racing cars, one milk bottle and one set of teeth (which by the way aren't very nice now that the white parts aren't minty) and no spearmint leaves! They are my absolute favourite and I can't get them anywhere but the petrol station in a mix that has more pineapples than three of your bags! All this after opening a bag of snakes with only one yellow that I had to let my four year old have so I missed out (again). Please, please, please consider the pineapple likers among us and chuck a few extra in. Oh and bags of spearmint leaves for sale at the supermarket would be cool too.

Damn those Allens bags and their lack of good stuff!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Op Shop Madness!

I have a short gripe about one of our local Op Shops. I went in the other day on my quest to find the perfect cake stand for the wedding cake. Because I’m on this vintage kick (hence the pink stripy background. It’s what I would imagine made the perfect home for warm peanuts at carnivals and fairs) I figured no stone left unturned. I also have found some great stuff for the kids at Op shops in the past. Anyway, no cake stand which doesn’t surprise me. If I had one, I would never let it go. It would become a family heirloom (because I’m a hoarder). Anyway, I found this very pretty black jumper with pink flowers on the front and it was brand new with the tag still attached that said $6.50. Of course I picked one up. My kids are not only eating us out of house and home, they grow out of their clothes at a phenomenal rate. Anyway, I get to the counter to pay for the jumper and a really pretty top and she tries to charge me $9.95. When I asked her what the? she says I’m supposed to only look at their tag and not the brand one. Again, what the?

Now, I’m not an uncharitable person. I always pay too much money at the Op Shop because I know it’s going to a good cause but being a charity, does that mean they can try and rip me off? First of all, I didn’t notice the second ticket so I wasn’t trying to be cagey. Second, I shop in there a bit for bits and pieces so it’s not like she hadn’t seen my face before. And third, don’t get huffy when I ask what the? I would have paid ten bucks for the jumper at Kmart or Target but you’re an OP SHOP!! The same one that wanted $250 for an antique chair that had staples in the skirt. Hello, any good bargain hunter would know that if it had been a truly untouched antique chair, it would have tacks in it like the useless but pretty chair next to my bed. All I can say is pffft! I would like to say that I won’t be going back in there but they have the cutest line of brand new stockings with love hearts and other shapes in them. I am a sucker for cute stuff...